i'm baaaack. unbelievably, i haven't visited the cyberworld for a few days. things have been CRAZY around here. we've had snow storms, snow days, play dates and over nights, flu bugs, severe head colds, school Christmas parties, treats to make for said parties, gift shopping, grocery shopping, and friends and family members needing a shoulder and/or help after custody issues and minor auto accidents. that is just the extra stuff, don't forget the laundry, bill paying, dance classes, homework, school projects to wrap up, preparing meals, etc., etc., etc. you know, the normal everyday, 24/7 kinds of responsibilities. whew! i could really use a vacation right about now!

i have managed to cross a few items off of my ever growing/changing list.
gift shopping done - check
check the gift list again - check
cards addressed and mailed - check
tree complete - check (had to wait for the Daddy so we could put the angel on, as per the instructions of a four year old decorator)
treats prepared - check
dishes to pass planned and ready for preparation - check
play in snow with kids - check
visit north pole as a family - check
visit santa - check
email santa - check
watch some Christmas shows/movies with family - check

.....now, if i could just get some help cleaning the house.....

in other news...all of the kididdles are VERY excited about Christmas, every part of it. every year they each enjoy different aspects of it in different ways. they pick up on different details of the church celebration and story each year, and the family time and gift giving is a lot of fun for them too. i really enjoy listening to their ideas for gifts, decorating, and how we should celebrate. you know, we would all be a little better off if we would follow their lead more often!
A lost two more teeth, has been very helpful with her siblings, and received an excellent progress report this week. i love her soooo much, and can't believe how quickly she is growing up.
B is doing well in school, is so much fun, and full of Christmas spirit. she is in that gray area between being a little girl and trying to (sometimes) be a little big girl. i don't quite know how to put it in to words, but she is going through this subtle change with style. a style so uniquely hers, and I love her for it.
C is a study in contrasts. he is a sweetheart one minute and a stinker the next. he will be picking on his brother one minute, and comforting and consoling him the next. he is waaaay more observant than people realize, and he shows glimmers of his observations when you least expect it. he is a very good big brother, and is trying to teach things to D daily. of course, some of those things i would rather D not learn yet.
D is mimicking everything his siblings say and do. good and bad! his vocabulary is growing by leaps and bounds. he is trying out so many new words daily...like his older siblings, he has understood and had the words, names, and phrases in his head for a while...he is just now deciding to share them with us. D is also very independent and must do for himself...and me...and help with everything. he is so much fun.

actually they all are a lot of fun! i can't say that i have a favorite age. there is so very much to enjoy at each of their different stages. i love reflecting on the people they are and are evolving into. i am a very blessed mommy. my cup runneth over!

ANOTHER DAY CLOSER

Christmas is another day closer.....

i have managed to cross a few things off of the to-do list that i had created. that felt really good!

Christmas decorations outside - check
the annual Christmas tree hunt - check
check the list - AGAIN - check
accomplish some Christmas shopping - check
make out Christmas cards - check

...and yet, my list - my list seems to be growing. as i cross things off my lists (i usually have at least two or three going at a time) i manage to add more to them. lots more. i really need to stop doing that.

tick, tick, tick, ...

the clock just keeps ticking away. Christmas is getting closer. alot closer. i am no more ready than i was a few days ago. i am excited with and for the kididdles, but i am struggling to really get in to it this year. i love Christmas. the lights, the tree, the decorations, the nativity, the wreaths, the smells, driving at night to enjoy the sights, the excitement of the kididdles, the anticipation, the talk of Santa, the carols, the eggnog, the hot cocoa, the church's children's program, the school parties, etc. i love it all. this year, however, i am feeling out of it. i put on the smile and excitement for the kididdles, but privately, i am down and out. i have yet to figure out how i am going to pull myself out of this slump.

of course, i know where much of it stems. i procrastinate, then i feel overwhelmed. i am a procrastinating perfectionist. quite a title, huh! if i can't do it exactly as i want it, i put it off. one thing leads to the next, and here we are. i also started a couple of projects in the house and want to finish them before kicking the holiday hustle in to full gear. but, it never works out that way, does it? then, the economy around here is not spectacular. a really squeaky tight budget doesn't help anything. i prefer a bit more wiggle room. then again, most people probably do.

there is also quite a bit of tension with the Daddy's family...that is really most uncomfortable! that is probably the biggest hurtle for me right now. it is really getting me down and i am not sure how far to push. i don't want to offend anyone or hurt any feelings, but is it fair that our family should be offended or have their feelings hurt? the Daddy has repeatedly said that what matters most to him is his family...his wife and children and his home. not the siblings and parents, etc. but they are making it very difficult to maintain any sort of salvageable relationship with them, and the Daddy (and the Mommy too) would like the kididdles to grow up knowing the extended family. but at what cost? where do you draw the line? how far do you let them push? of course, we have done our best to not let the tension affect the kididdles. they shouldn't have to deal with this...ever, ideally...but certainly not at their ages.

i guess i will ponder this for a bit longer....while i continue to try to wrap up my projects, get the tree, mail the cards, work on "the list", finish the gifts, and pull myself together. i wish myself luck...sleigh loads of it!

Fuzzy Pickles!

that's what the Daddy always asks the kids to say when he does their "formal" portraits. since the beginning, the Daddy has always taken their photos. none of the kididdles have ever been to a portrait studio other than the one at the grandparents home (grandpa was a photographer for a while)or school. this year was a first. the Daddy has had a pretty crazy schedule lately...not that it wasn't crazy in the past...so i took them to a chain portrait studio and had a photo of the four of them taken for the holidays. they will, once again, grace the front of our Christmas cards for all of those special people we don't see often enough.

really, i was quite pleased. the kids had a good time....even asked if we could go back there again sometime...scary! it wasn't a high-end portrait studio, but they really did a pretty good job! it wasn't the department store or super center chain studios either. it is Portrait Innovations. if i wanted a franchise business, i think this would be one to check out. the session moved along quickly...essential for the two and four year olds, the ordering process moved along quickly...essential for the Mommy, and the order was ready to go in less than 30 minutes! the kididdles all cooperated and behaved well too, what more can you ask for!

have kididdle photos taken....check
buy or make Christmas cards....check
choose dish to pass options for Christmas dinners....check
make gift list....check

i'm getting there....kinda'.

this is the unchecked list:

purchase or make gifts
double check list
holiday baking
holiday school party preparations
put up Christmas tree
finish decorating
put together gingerbread houses
wrap gifts
attend obligatory extended family party/reunions
send Christmas cards
make sure to have ingredients for dishes to pass

make a list of the stuff i forgot.........

i'll get there, i always do. i was just hoping i would get the work part done a little sooner this year. then i would enjoy more of the play part.

...maybe i can cut out something...like sleep!

we'll see how it goes.

long week...

this week seemed to drag. all week. i was so glad to see friday, but then friday dragged too. the extra kids were full of "it" all week. and that was on top of the usual stuff. needless to say, i was really excited about friday. we were going to celebrate A's birthday with the Daddy's father. we were going to wind down the week with the start of a fun, yet busy weekend. didn't happen that way. huge surprise!

the mommy of the extra kids showed up late. i was just hoping she could get here on time so we could get the weekend started. didn't happen that way. she is a teacher. i understand that things come up. i understand that things happen. but, every day?! she decided to run an errand on the way home. fine, but make sure you left on time before you did it!!!! ...and maybe say something about it to the daycare provider/sister. but, then again, i am probably expecting too much...no, no, it's that i just don't understand. she is right. i don't understand. i don't understand why she couldn't just leave on time one day of the week.....friday. and then, she comes in and, even after telling her that she needed to be on time because i had plans, she decides to sit and wanted to talk...about her "stressful" day. yeah, i wanted to hear it...not.

then the Daddy called. he was going to be late. really late. he thought maybe 8:00 or 8:30. (it ended up being 12:30 a.m.) any way...A was so excited about going out for dinner with grandpa for her birthday...and so bummed that the Daddy wasn't going to make it. the Daddy suggested we still go. to dinner with his father. alone. without him. i know, that isn't really a big deal to some, but i am not close to my f.i.l. the kids aren't even very close to him. i know, sad in some respects, but it is what it is. i really didn't want to do it. but my princess needed to be able to celebrate as she had planned. who was i to take that away. we went. we survived. we had a decent time. she was happy...which made me happy. that part was good!

today was a get together with my m.i.l. side of the family. it could be fun. the kids would play with the cousins. the Daddy and I would see family we don't often see, good potluck food would be eaten. didn't work out that way. lots of tension in the Daddy's immediate family right now. still had some laughs and good times, but always the underlying tension. this morning, i didn't care about going. i hadn't made our dish to pass...hadn't completely decided what to take for the dish to pass. earlier in the week the Daddy was supposed to get the details about the dinner, what was expected, the time line....all important to know in my book. didn't happen that way. i called the Daddy and he said he forgot...i should call. thanks! i did. the f.i.l was very vague. great! i did some networking. he told others to bring some of the same things. whatever. so today i just was not caring. why should i? it sometimes seems that the persons in charge and most connected don't care, so why should i? i have my own business to worry about. and then this morning the daddy says - maybe you should have decided and prepared the dish to pass last night. what...when i was out to dinner, celebrating our daughters birthday, with his family?! thank you very much...of course i could have, but i just didn't feel like caring. anyway, i decide on a dish to prepare, put it in the oven, set the timer, and went about preparing everyone else for the soiree. the Daddy was busy outside. he finally came in the house, the timer went off and he turned off the oven. i was in the shower. i finished getting myself and the kids ready to go as the Daddy changed his clothes to go. we were running late....event is from 12-5. we are going to get there about 12:30. i hope like the dickens they aren't eating right at 12. we go to get the dish out of the oven, and it isn't done! the center is still soupy! crap! the Daddy suggests we go, drop off him and the kids, and i run to the store. fine. we will do that and our dish to pass will be crackers and cheese. we can work it. we get there, and, other than my f.i.l, we are the first people there! my f.i.l hasn't even picked up the chicken he ordered from a caterer! so...why don't we just stop and pick up the chicken after we stop at the store? are you kidding?! but of course we can. we do. in the end, it turns out o.k. i told myself to make the best of the day and have a good time...that is what i would like my kids to do/learn. i did. a decent time was had by all who attended. there was low turnout for the party. as a bonus (that is how i am choosing to look at it) we got to leave earlier than expected, even after we helped to clean up. cross that off the list. but, do i really need this drama?! of course, the Daddy feels that i bring it on to myself. because i should just not worry about it. maybe i do...a little...

yet, if i didn't worry about anything, and he doesn't worry about anything, would anything get accomplished?

so tomorrow is the last day of our weekend. we have another celebration to attend in honor of A's birthday. this time with my side of the family. i hope it starts out better than the events of the last two days. A deserves a good day. of course, it stands a better chance. because i took care of it. i did the worrying about it. it will be accomplished.

i guess i should just count my blessings. the Daddy isn't a control freak. he lets me do my thing without the grief that others might get. he frustrates me at times, but, i love him. thank you, honey for not worrying about it...you know i have it covered....i guess we just balanced each other out...again.