tick, tick, tick, ...

the clock just keeps ticking away. Christmas is getting closer. alot closer. i am no more ready than i was a few days ago. i am excited with and for the kididdles, but i am struggling to really get in to it this year. i love Christmas. the lights, the tree, the decorations, the nativity, the wreaths, the smells, driving at night to enjoy the sights, the excitement of the kididdles, the anticipation, the talk of Santa, the carols, the eggnog, the hot cocoa, the church's children's program, the school parties, etc. i love it all. this year, however, i am feeling out of it. i put on the smile and excitement for the kididdles, but privately, i am down and out. i have yet to figure out how i am going to pull myself out of this slump.

of course, i know where much of it stems. i procrastinate, then i feel overwhelmed. i am a procrastinating perfectionist. quite a title, huh! if i can't do it exactly as i want it, i put it off. one thing leads to the next, and here we are. i also started a couple of projects in the house and want to finish them before kicking the holiday hustle in to full gear. but, it never works out that way, does it? then, the economy around here is not spectacular. a really squeaky tight budget doesn't help anything. i prefer a bit more wiggle room. then again, most people probably do.

there is also quite a bit of tension with the Daddy's family...that is really most uncomfortable! that is probably the biggest hurtle for me right now. it is really getting me down and i am not sure how far to push. i don't want to offend anyone or hurt any feelings, but is it fair that our family should be offended or have their feelings hurt? the Daddy has repeatedly said that what matters most to him is his family...his wife and children and his home. not the siblings and parents, etc. but they are making it very difficult to maintain any sort of salvageable relationship with them, and the Daddy (and the Mommy too) would like the kididdles to grow up knowing the extended family. but at what cost? where do you draw the line? how far do you let them push? of course, we have done our best to not let the tension affect the kididdles. they shouldn't have to deal with this...ever, ideally...but certainly not at their ages.

i guess i will ponder this for a bit longer....while i continue to try to wrap up my projects, get the tree, mail the cards, work on "the list", finish the gifts, and pull myself together. i wish myself luck...sleigh loads of it!